SAMPLE I ORIGINAL

In a class at law class at Harvard, students asked the professor “not to teach rape law-or, in one case, even use the word violate lest it cause students distress.” (Lukianoff/Haidt)

SAMPLE I REVISION

Colleges and Universities have become sensitive to safe spaces and it has gotten to a point where students do not want to learn about topics that are deemed offensive or controversial. Lukianoff and Haidt mention topics that are crucial to education yet students do not want to learn about them. In a law class at Harvard, students asked the professor “not to teach rape law-or, in one case, even use the word violate lest it cause students distress.” For a student who is majoring in pre-law, learning about rape law is important. No matter how uncomfortable the topic is, it is important to learn, because in real life, unfortunately rape happens, and law majors need to know how to deal with it when it comes to a potential court case.  Instead of citing the quote with parentheses, I integrated the authors names into the essay and integrated the quote. I also supported the point that I made with I say and put my belief into the essay.

SAMPLE II ORIGINAL

Another issue for professors are trigger warnings which are “alerts that professors are expected to issue if something in a course might cause a strong emotional response.” (Lukianoff/Haidt)

SAMPLE II REVISION

Another topic that Lukianoff and Haidt mentioned multiple times in there article are trigger warnings. Trigger warnings are “alerts that professors are expected to issue if something in a course might cause strong emotional response.” Basically trigger warnings are sensitive topics that could potentially be offensive to some students or they could be stereotypes. I believe teachers should teach their material and something that could possibly be a trigger warning should either state a warning before teaching it or they could just teach it and if someone has a problem with it, then they have a fixed mindset.  In this quote again I integrated the author instead of using parentheses to cite the quote. I also supported the quote with my own beliefs to make my point more my point rather than just summarizing the quote.